Why Joker’s trauma was left until the last Palace to be tackled

Hey, Gamers! Most of you who read my blog regularly know that Persona 5 is my thing. It’s the game that made me identify as a gamer, it’s my special interest, it’s what I think about most of the time. I love this game, and it makes me so happy to hear about how much you guys love this game too. If you’ve been reading a lot of my blog, you’d probably know that my childhood and early adulthood was something I needed to heal from. I’ve spent most of my life in therapy, but it wasn’t until I met Josh and started to help him through things that I gained the skills I needed to heal myself. Obviously, I was thinking about Persona 5 directly having this revelation and I thought it fit pretty well and it deserved to be talked about. So today’s post is about how Joker needed to help everyone else before he could help himself.

Spoiler warning: I speak about Persona 5 Royal at the end. I don’t say who the third semester ruler is, but I do mention what they did.

We’ve all heard sayings like ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ or ‘you’ve got to look after yourself first’. But here, dear gamers, I put to you the fact that some people do not know how to do this. Some people simply cannot heal without helping others first. I think Joker is one of these people because it would make sense. Let’s look at it in a bit more detail.

He helps Ann and Ryuji within days or even weeks of knowing them. He knew there was some serious trauma behind their feelings and actions. He knew that they needed to do this in order to heal. So he helped them. He helped them because he saw the pain in their eyes; he helped them because he knew how trauma can affect you and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone else; he helped them because he could. He knew how to help them heal, so he did it.

Joker is traumatised from the situation with Shido. From the flashbacks to the repressed memory, all the signs point to the event being traumatising for him. Now he’s in another city, staying in the attic of a coffee shop, whose owner does not like him. He is lost. Not physically, he has a map on his phone, but he knows nothing at this point. Joker has really strong values and great morals but the legal system just told him that being a good person gets you in trouble. And now he can’t even talk to his parents or friends about it, because his school doesn’t want him and his parents are ashamed. He needs to heal from this, but he doesn’t know how to yet.

Throughout Persona 5, we see Joker help so many people. He helps the team to get out of traumatic situations, he then helps them heal from them during their confidant arcs, and even with the other confidants, he is often helping others heal from their own trauma. Despite what a lot of people online seem to believe, Joker isn’t just dealing with the problem for them (for the most part). He’s just making it more manageable. And while doing this time and time again, he’s gaining the knowledge and skills that he needs to heal himself.

That’s why Joker’s trauma is tackled in the last palace (in vanilla Persona 5, but this theory still applies to Royal and we’ll discuss that in a bit). Because he simply wasn’t ready to do it beforehand. Of course, there’s the obvious game mechanics reason too, but story and plot-wise, it makes so much more sense to think about it in this way. I doubt that the team wasn’t encouraging Joker to take down whoever ruined his life (remember, we don’t see everything going on between them). He didn’t have the knowledge or skills to deal with his own trauma before helping others deal with theirs.

Sometimes, you need to help other people to heal before you can heal yourself, and I feel like this is something that is completely looked over in today’s society.


But thinking about the whole system this way means that the third-semester palace makes so much more sense. The reason it’s so upsetting to them is because they put work into healing from their traumas, and that’s how they formed their friendships. It’s how they’ve bonded and it’s such a special thing to have. Healing is so special and non-linear, and if you think about how much effort went into each thief’s journey and how long it took Joker to heal… it ruins everything. It ruins the group. They no longer have that special bonding experience, and – more importantly – all their hard work is gone.

I know this might be obvious to some people because the way it was worded was something like “people need to grow”, but if you directly relate it to trauma and healing, it becomes so much deeper. What the palace ruler did becomes a bad thing instead of a morally grey thing because healing is something that is so fragile and takes so long and just the thought of someone taking that away from me hurts. The main difference between what the third palace ruler did and what the Phantom Thieves did is that the Phantom Thieves use their powers to stop people getting hurt (and traumatised) while it is going on and could still happen; the third palace ruler just removed it from existence completely, almost like he was excusing what the bad guys did and like the work that everyone did to heal was just not worth it.

So, that’s it for this post, Gamers! Please remember that this is just my interpretation of the whole thing, and if yours differs then that’s okay! Let me know your thoughts in the comments below, if you liked this post, give it a like and check out the linked posts below if you want some more Persona 5 stuff. Also, I wanted to remind everyone that I am currently doing an AI Run of Persona 5 Royal and I’ve just finished the third palace so the game will probably speed up a bit so make sure to follow 2nerds_1game on Twitch so you don’t join the party too late. See you next post, Gamers!


10 cute things that my partner does for me whilst gaming that make me feel loved

Hey, Gamers! So today is Valentine’s Day and although Josh and I don’t tend to celebrate it, I thought I should do a post showing the cute things he does for me when playing games that make me feel loved. The point of this post is just to show how little things can be appreciated a lot. So, let’s get into it!

For reference, Josh and I have been together since November 2017. We’ve been living together since January 2018, and living on our own since September 2018. I got into gaming properly around December 2018. He’s really been gaming his whole life, whereas I was much more casual about the whole thing before I met him.

  1. He calls me into the room whenever he’s about to Evolve a Pokemon.
    This is a pretty recent thing, starting around the release of the Sinnoh remakes back in November 2021. I always thought Evolution was cool and sometimes I judge the Pokemon based on whether or not it became more or less cute. That’s how it started. Then we watched the anime (he got me an anime poster for my birthday and the original Pokemon series was on it), and then Christmas came and he got me Let’s Go Eevee and now I just really appreciate the growth of each Pokemon, even if they’re not mine.
  2. He warns me if he knows a part of a game will be triggering for me.
    I’m aware that this one is a bit unique to our relationship, but I have C-PTSD and throughout our relationship, Josh has learnt my triggers and for the most part, he is a really good judge at understanding whether or not something will trigger me. Oftentimes, before I start playing a game that he’s already played and he thinks I might get to the triggering scene in this session, he watches me play and we have a light conversation about my mental health and stuff like that. It’s never too deep. I think we’ve been together long enough that talks like this have become the norm, which is why it feels okay to have them while we play games. I specifically remember one time, I was playing Yakuza 0 and a character was touching a girl inappropriately. As a SA survivor, that would have triggered me if Josh didn’t warn me the chapter before. He said something along the lines of “hey babe, I know you’re having a lot of fun right now and it’s really intense, but I wanted to warn you about some upcoming sexual encounters so that if you need to, you can stop and save before you get there” and I just remember appreciating it so much because I was having a tough day and if it was a shock, it would have triggered me massively. Alternatively, I wanted to share an experience where he missed the mark a bit, and that’s with Persona 5 Strikers. Persona 5 Strikers is about trauma, so I tried not to ask Josh about it because I can tell when he knows spoilers and then I want to know… but I knew he looked things up because the game is literally about trauma and I am riddled with it. I was abused as a kid by a father figure, so the last jail’s trauma hit me- I mean, I was streaming but it was instant flashbacks. It was awful. I felt like that was something Josh should’ve warned me about (because I’m so used to him warning me about stuff like that), and so did he. He misread or misinterpreted what he had read and thought that the bad guy had accidentally killed his son. We were both very confused.  But I wanted to share this because we both felt bad about that situation, but at the end of the day, I still felt loved because he was there by my side when the flashbacks were coming hard and he held me as I cried. I know he shouldn’t have to do all this, and believe me, my ex purposely put me in situations where I’d get triggered because he thought it was funny, but the fact that he goes out of his way to do this with most games that I play makes me feel so loved and appreciated.
  3. He calls me in whenever he gets an Eevee.
    Leading on from talking about trauma, I have DID. To me and my system, Eevee is a great representation of that. Eevee was my favourite Pokemon long before I started playing Pokemon. But now that I have started playing Pokemon, my love for Eevee as a symbol has been carved into stone, so to speak. Josh plays a significant amount more Pokemon than I do (I have more household responsibilities so he gets to game more in general), and he’s in post-game in both BD and Legends, so he’s able to get as many Eevees as he wants… and whenever he does, he shows me. He literally calls me in from wherever and shows me. Sometimes he even has to wait until I get home, which is even cuter and makes me feel more loved because it’s been hours since he caught it and he still remembered to show me.
  4. He encourages me to do things my own way.
    Before I met Josh, I thought looking up guides online was classed as cheating. The first guide I actually ever looked up was for my second playthrough of Persona 5 and I couldn’t put myself through Okumura’s palace again. It was this one particular bit that literally made me cry during my first playthrough, and it was the worst. During my second playthrough, I was trying to come up with solutions. After he suggested a guide, I went for it. Another thing that’s on a similar note and the same game is Kaneshiro’s palace. The codes are actually probably my favourite palace thing in the whole game, but I am both dyslexic and dyscalculic. Therefore, when playing Persona 5 Royal for the first time, Josh encouraged me to come up with solutions. He offered me some paper and I wrote each clue down, drew a bunch of lines and it suddenly became a lot easier for me. As someone as disabled as I am, I know realistically that games will never be fully accessible to me. That’s okay, because Josh helps me learn that I can do it in a different way.
  5. He never lets me give up.
    There are very few times when I’ve given the controller to Josh in my game and made him do it. Actually, there are two times and they were both Yakuza games. One was the car chase in Kiwami because I was late to streaming and I was getting stressed out. The other was a chase scene in Yakuza 3, and after watching him doing it I realised that I was robbed because I was literally two steps away before Kiryu ran out of stamina. These times are so rare because we’re both stubborn. He doesn’t like seeing me upset, but oftentimes, Josh knows my own ability more than I do. Take the last fight of A Plague Tale: Innocence, for example. I struggled so hard with that, and I knew that I couldn’t react faster. Instead of just taking the controller, Josh sat next to me to calm me down. He talked to me several times about trying again. When he found out that I had tried again the next day (he was sleeping), he was so proud of me. We went on a date and over our meal, he was just encouraging me, talking strategy with me, talking the whole thing through with me. I think the only two games he’s ever let me give up on is Hitman (because it’s apparently painful to watch me play it) and Deathloop (but even with Deathloop, he still tries to encourage me). It’s the warmest feeling ever. He’s the most encouraging person I’ve ever met and he never lets me think I can’t do something (apart from playing Hitman… I think I’m banned from playing Hitman around him…).
  6. He gave me an Eevee.
    Another Pokemon one because I swear it’s all we’ve played recently. I didn’t want to evolve my Piplup until Lvl 50, so for the longest time, I was mashing B. For reference, I play Shining Pearl and he plays Brilliant Diamond. So he said “catch a random Pokemon and I’ll trade a random Pokemon with you, and I’ll make it hold an Ever Stone so you can give it to Pippy”, so that’s what happened. I traded my Magikarp that I affectionately named James, and he traded me A LITERAL EEVEE. And then, bless him, he goes “oh no! I forgot to give it a nickname,” and he was super sad about it for a while. But it’s fine because I hatched an Eevee and called it Geralt and I’m going to use Josh’s Eevee to make an Umbreon (I really hope he doesn’t read this post because I’ve convinced him that I’m turning it into an Espeon because that’s my favourite, but Umbreon is his favourite and he gave me the Eevee so I thought it would be cute).
  7. He warns me about any tarantulas in his pockets.
    This was one conversation but what a ride it was. I was trying to get as much candy as possible for Halloween in Animal Crossing, so he said I could go on his account to get some. Then he warned me about the tarantula in his pockets… I’ll link the post because- I cannot word.
  8. He doesn’t mock me for using dubs.
    I use the dubs in all games because I am dyslexic. Before we met, Josh was very much the type of person to mock someone for watching the dub. He even does to some people. Yet, he doesn’t with me. It’s like we have a mutual understanding and I feel like, because of the whole me being dyslexic thing, he gets to appreciate how great the English VA can be sometimes. Persona 5 was the first game I had this ‘issue’ with, and it was so sweet he just didn’t say anything because it was just after I got diagnosed and I was a hot mess over that. Another thing I wanted to add (but doesn’t fit anywhere else) is that he is so encouraging with my reading. I loved the Witcher story so he bought me the books, even though I had major anxiety about reading at the time. He never lets me think for a second that I can’t do it.
  9. He never tells me ‘it’s just a game’.
    Josh and I are both autistic, both diagnosed as adults. My whole life, I’ve been deeply engrossed in fiction. I think as a kid riddled with trauma, I used it as a way of escaping the current world and on top of my autistic traits, I’d always come across as obsessed. This is the one thing about me that I know that Josh absolutely adores. From The 100, to Harry Potter, to Yugioh and The Witcher and obviously Persona 5, he’s been nothing but encouraging with my love for these things. As a female with autism, I am overly empathetic and because of that, I get so emotional. If I had a penny for every time someone told me something along the lines of “it’s not even real”, I would probably be a billionaire. Instead, he comforts me when my favourite character dies. Hell, he knows that my favourite character is going to die and he is ready for it. My immediate thought with this is literally the other night and I was reading the Witcher (I’m on Lady of the Lake) and my favourite character died. It wasn’t explicit that she was dead yet but a flashback to her childhood happened just after she was injured and I nearly threw my book. He almost immediately knew what was going on. And he is the first person to not roll their eyes at me. Even when we’re arguing about our interpretations of Persona 5 (because this game means so much to me), he has never said “this doesn’t matter, it’s not even real”. Instead, he’s usually pretty calm and I feel like we’ve gotten good at being like “okay, we can never know for sure and we’re clearly not going to agree”. I think something I love about us is when we acknowledge that while the thing we are talking about is still important, our relationship is more important and Josh is usually the first to acknowledge that.
  10. He understands what I value and avoids doing it.
    This one is going to make me sound bad but I don’t even care. Before we get into it, I know full well that he shouldn’t have to do this, and I want to make it clear that I have only ever asked him to do this once and it was for Persona 5 Royal because that game was everything to me. Josh has been gaming for so much longer than I. Therefore, his skills are so much better than mine. If he knows that I really value a game (for example, the Life Is Strange series), he will avoid playing them. I mean, for the most part, he doesn’t care about the game because we usually like different types of games, but in the case of Persona 5 Royal, I jokingly asked him to not get passed the point I was at because I can usually tell when he knows a spoiler (like right now, there’s clearly something with Volo from Legends Arceus but I’m not there yet and he is dying to talk to me about it), and he was like “yeah, I was going to try to not go past you anyway”. A sucky result of this is that he still hasn’t finished Persona 5 Royal because he had to stop in Okumura’s palace and… no one wants to do that. But I love that he recognises that we value different things and that even though he could very easily plat these games, he doesn’t… it makes me feel respected and like he recognises my hard work.

So, that’s it for this post, Gamers! I just wanted to share this because he does so many little things that make me feel loved, and I wanted to share that it really doesn’t take much to make someone happy. If you want to catch us streaming, head over to Twitch and look for 2nerds_1game (it should also be linked on my homepage), where we stream Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I hope you all have a lovely Valentine’s Day, no matter how you’re spending it. See you next post, Gamers!

How the simplicity of Stardew Valley helped me through a rough time

Hey, Gamers! This is actually the second time I’m writing this post. The first one felt more… trauma dumping and I didn’t want anyone to feel like I was minimising their efforts by talking about myself. So, I’m writing this again because I feel like it’s a really important post, and I was just coming at it from the wrong angle.

Last year, I had a ton going on. On top of university, a family member went through some unexpected medical stuff and it was really hard for the whole family. We actually got Stardew Valley at the beginning of April, if I’m remembering correctly, and I was a bit hesitant because I usually get frustrated with games that don’t give the player much direction. But it helped me, somehow.

At this point, in February 2022, I have not been on Stardew Valley for months. I plan on doing a post about burnout in gaming very soon (this month), but after 180 hours in less than a month, I was just done with the game for a while.

I was on seemingly endless phone calls with family, I really struggled to sleep and even if I did manage to sleep, it was for two to three hours at a time because I needed to work on my dissertation. It was difficult. It was like my brain just wouldn’t shut off.

And that’s when Stardew Valley came in. The simplicity of the game meant that during the times I couldn’t sleep, at least I could give my brain a break by playing it for 10-30 minutes. It’s what I needed the most. I was stuck in such a stressful situation that I couldn’t get out of without avoiding complete responsibility, so Stardew Valley was the best part of my day.

I remember one point, I was in a lot of pain because my face swole a bunch and it was all I could think about because I’m autistic and I couldn’t cope. Playing Stardew Valley was the only time where the tears stopped. And I’ve never had a game that I could just play for a small amount at a time while still being able to distract me from what’s going on.

The simplicity of the gameplay and the scenes with each person in town kept me wanting to play the game over and over again. I really rushed to get married and have kids because I think at this point I was going through a “having a baby will solve all my problems” phase again, so being able to have kids in this game and forming relationships was a huge deal for me. I got with Josh when I was 17, just about to turn 18. I never really thought much about forming new relationships with other people because he’s my best friend. Whenever I try to make friends in real life, it goes wrong (as I know many other autistics experience). I remember just before I got diagnosed, Josh and I were discussing why it was so important to the both of us that I got this diagnosis or at least signposted to the right one, and Josh said “I can’t keep seeing you in pain over something that isn’t your fault. I can’t keep watching you try so hard, only to crash and burn when they don’t like you as much as we thought they did”. Josh’s main thing was always how much I got hurt by the rejection of failed friendships. Now, I have Josh and one other friend that I try to reply to regularly, and I am okay with that. I don’t think I could cope with more, to be honest, I’m not good at replying. But in Stardew Valley, time stops when you don’t play. They don’t get super mad when you don’t talk to them for a few days. They don’t have better friends that they’d prefer to spend their time with. As selfish as that sounds, I think it’s what I needed.

I think the repetition of the game is also something that was such a huge thing for me during this time of chaos. Breaking down the year into the four seasons and just having the same events each year… would usually bore me. I’d probably play 2 years and be done with it. But it was 100% what I needed. I mean that in all sincerity because as stupid as it sounds, a year is very long. Anything can happen in a year. So much can change and the fact that it didn’t just made me feel… peaceful.

This game gave me peace of mind when I was in a pit of utter chaos.

So, that’s it for this post, Gamers! Do you have a game that helped you in a similar way? Let me know in the comments below! Don’t forget to check out my socials and Twitch, all of which should be linked on my homepage. See you next post, Gamers!

Gaming Progress: January

Hey, Gamers! This is the first gaming progress report for 2022, and it is probably my favourite. I’ve almost consistently kept up with keeping note of my gaming as it happens, and I’ve done a lot of it. January is a month riddled with bad trauma dates so, this year more so than any previous one, I threw myself into gaming for escapism. Uh, if you’re like me then maybe try therapy first. It hasn’t worked out for me, so I turn to gaming. But anyway, much to talk about, let’s go!

Jumping straight on to… not gaming- the end of Tower of the Swallow was magnificent. If you’re new here, I’m dyslexic but loved the Witcher characters so much that I’ve been reading the books and since I played the game (wild hunt) first, a few people like reading updates. For a large portion of the book, I was not having a good time. It dragged so much. My favourite character in Geralt’s company just seemed to stop talking (it’s Milva, I love her with all my heart), Yen was barely in it and whilst Ciri is my favourite character overall… she wasn’t herself, I felt. But the ending- chef’s kiss. Such a beautiful ending. I felt the same way with the last book, too. Like, the endings have just been really great. I literally was holding my breath at several points because it was so intense. If the book was just the ending, and the part where the Rats got killed, I would’ve liked it. I’m on Lady of the Lake now, and I am uncomfortable about the sexualisation of minors but apparently that’s something I have to get used to if I like fantasy. Eredin has shown up, and it is interesting, to say the least…

Moving quickly on, let’s talk about Life Is Strange: True Colors. Why? Because I’m an idiot, that’s why. I thought I might as well get the plat, it’ll be easy since I can just skip scenes and stuff. Oh boy. I saved over my completed save. I literally saved over my completed save. I am still very angry about this. I don’t even know why I did this. Maybe it is because I’m used to New Game +, but even then… it’s worse because the cutscenes are unskippable and now that I don’t have a completed save, I can’t jump scenes. I’m not too mad; it’s just going to take more time than I have right now, and that’s okay, it can be an after Uni problem.

As for Yakuza 3, I haven’t played as much of it as I would’ve liked because I’ve been more focussed on… a game that will come up later… but I got to the part where Rikiya is in Kamarocho and he got his tattoo done by Kiryu’s artist. It was really nice going around with Rikiya. I am worried that he might die because I don’t think I’ve heard Josh talk about him outside of the context of Yakuza 3, but Sayama isn’t in games other than 2 and she’s perfectly fine, so I’m not too worried. I wasn’t as upset at Kashiwagi dying as I thought I would be, because I was too busy being angry. I was all good with this game until they introduced chase/ running sequences. I must have done this at least 10 times. I was literally in tears because of how angry and frustrated I was.

Moving on because otherwise, I’ll end up in a rant about those sequences and how they shouldn’t be compulsory, Josh finished all of the gauntlet missions in Lost Judgment, including the Amon DLC. He was very proud of himself, and I was proud of him too. It was a big deal for him because in the past, Amon had taken him days to beat but he did it this time without even telling me he was doing it. We also got Judgment on the PS5, but he’s sad because they’ve taken out… a machine. He’s actually streaming the PS5 version of Judgment every Wednesday if you want to check it out.

First big accomplishment: the return of my Persona 5 Royal AI Takeover brought an immediate (first try) victory against Kaneshiro. First try. This was the first boss I have managed to defeat first try throughout my AI Takeover, and after how much I struggled with Madarame, I think I needed this win. I was a bit worried about this boss fight because I felt like I needed my team, but my team pulled through and I was so shocked and happy.

To quickly tag on from Persona 5, I played a bit of Shin Megami Tensei V. I was mainly just grinding and doing some side quests. I am enjoying it overall, I just get frustrated because my right joycon is drifting.

So I feel like I’ve cheated a bit for this one, but my ‘new’ game this month was Persona 3 FES. I’ve tried playing Persona 3 multiple times, and I got FES when the PlayStation 3 store was meant to be closing but it’s a game that I’ve always put off or barely played. I think I had like 2 hours in, so I just continued the save and I don’t think I’ve ever been so wrong. I love this game now. I have so much appreciation for it, and I really hope it gets a remaster. I can’t wait to play more (if Yukari lets me go to Tartarus because she has been sick for like two days straight… not sick enough to not go on her phone through). I am really loving it and it makes me so happy that I finally understand why everyone loves this game so much.

Let’s talk Animal Crossing! I spent so long trying to get rid of Ken, guys. Like, literal hours of time travelling. Then, one of my alters goes on (the island representative), there’s a villager in the campsite that she approves of, bang! Ken is no longer hindering our island’s love. Our new villager is Kody and I like him because I think he and Teddy would be really cute friends. I am still gifting Croque something every day, only for him to give me a relay tank or a “thanks, kid”. I just want his photo. He’s literally my best friend in that game and two people have already given me their photos. Does he actually not like me? Like, what’s going on, Bestie?

Fang likes me so much he’s given me his photo twice!

Time for all things Pokemon (and yes, there are several things…). Remember me mentioning that I was focused on a Switch game? Yeah, it was Pokemon!
In Let’s Go Eevee, I tried to catch MewTwo but oh my poor babies couldn’t cope. Dugtrio was a real trooper and lasted the longest by at least a few turns but it pains me so much when Geralt faints. It hurts my heart. I know I can just revive him or take him to the Pokemon Centre but I feel like he feels like I could’ve done something to save him when this time I could not. It really upsets me. But because of this, I did a bunch of painful grinding. Josh said it was harder to grind in these games compared to the other, which makes me feel a bit better because I’m doing a decent job at grinding in Let’s Go so I feel like I’d do way better in an actual Pokemon game. The thought of grinding is something that’s always put me off Pokemon in particular. But I was grinding Victory Lane (I think that’s what it’s called) and I went into the Elite 4 building and I was like “oh, I wonder if I get any cool dialogue now that I’ve beaten them” so I went into the room and I was locked into fighting the Elite 4 all over again without any preparation what so ever. I mean, I did it. Really don’t know how I did it, it was close a couple of times. Only one of my Pokemon survived the ghost battle, and that was because Blastoise loves me so much. It was extra tough because I didn’t have many potions, super potions or hyper potions. But I did it, and I guess that’s all that matters now. I am currently going around all the gyms again to beat them in order to get some exp.
Speaking of other Pokemon games, we got Pokemon Shining Pearl! Why? Because even though Josh had Diamond, I really wanted my own Pokemon game. Now we can play together (we got a Switch Lite as well) and trade and everything. My starter is a Piplup called Pippy and he likes bitter food. He has won some cuteness contests and now he won’t eat anymore Poffins. I have 4 gym badges. I struggled the most with the 3rd due to Lucario being awful and barely giving my team a chance to breathe. I am enjoying this game so much. Like, a ridiculous amount. Josh is still trying to catch em all in Brilliant Diamond. I helped him by doing the trading evolution things for a few of them.
In Pokemon Sword, Josh got 5 gym badges this month (which brings him to a total of 5). Most of his gameplay was during January on account of me playing Let’s Go Eevee from Christmas Day to the 30th of December, giving him one day in December to play. He got a bit distracted, though…
Because we also got Legends Arceus this month. This is the first Pokemon game that I got the day it came out, so I was hyped. However, I am streaming it and the first stream on the first day it came out did not go well. It actually had to be 3 separate streams, our internet did not want to work at all. So, I’m trying to get through it but I can only play it on stream now (which we’ve now decided that I will be streaming it twice a week). Josh, however, is not restricted by this (I’m starting to think that this is the reason who wanted me to be the one to stream it), and has been enjoying it a ton. As I’m writing this in February, I’m struggling to differentiate how far he got while January was still on, but he really has been playing it a lot. He told me that I could get all the Eeveelutions which is super cool, because so far the only games I’ve played do not include my favourite Eeveelution (feel free to guess which is my favourite in the comments) so I’m excited. I think this game is one of (if not his favourite) Pokemon games.

Reminder: My Geralt is the cutest and I love him so much

A quick side note before the big reveal: I started playing Roblox this month. “El, you’re 22, why are you playing Roblox?” I hear you ask. Family, that’s why. I have a niece and two nephews who I adore with all of my heart. My niece wanted me to play Roblox, and I was like ‘hey, it’s a game, how bad can it be?’ and I am bloody awful at it but we have so much fun together. I don’t talk about them a lot here because we live so far away from each other that it’s hard to keep in contact and kids grow up so fast, but it’s just so nice to have a way of connecting with them that we can all appreciate. I remember hating it as a kid when I was made to stand there and talk to grown-ups who barely knew me, so I hope that they know that I want to know them and that I’m willing to change the way we do things for them to be happy and comfortable. I love all three of them so much and this whole experience has made me feel so much closer to them.

Okay, drum roll!
I did it. I beat A Plague Tale: Innocence. I did it.
For anyone that’s new, I was really struggling with a boss fight – the last boss fight – because my reflexes were just too slow. I just couldn’t do it and then I was getting so frustrated and upset because I felt like there was nothing I could do. I have several disabilities and I felt like it was because of those that I couldn’t finish this game, which is something no one should feel, especially when you’re 30+ hours into the game. But after taking a break, having a lovely day out where Josh and I talked about it a little, I came back and I did it. I think it was the first try, too. It just happened. I honestly didn’t realise how close I was to finishing the fight in all of my attempts, because I was literally like one hit away for most of my attempts. But I did it and now I’m happy.

So, that’s it for this post, Gamers! Did you do anything special during January? Let me know in the comments below! Don’t forget to check out my socials to stay updated and check out 2nerds_1game on Twitch to watch Josh and I stream games. See you next post! 

Does Time Travelling ruin Animal Crossing?

Hey, Gamers! So, uh, you all know that I’m not the smartest person. So we avoided Time Travelling in Animal Crossing for the longest time. It actually wasn’t until… November, I think, that we started Time Travelling, and we got it in January. I was so scared of messing things up, or corrupting my game file or making my villagers mad at me. There were so many worries, so here I am, ready to tell you that there’s nothing to worry about in the best way I can: by explaining it the way it makes sense to me. So, let’s go!
AC will be occasionally used for Animal Crossing and TT will be used for Time Travelling.

Animal Crossing only moves forward. If a tree is planted and you TT back to the day before you planted the tree, the tree is still going to be planted. If a villager moves in and you TT to the day before, they’ll still be there! It will always continue to move forward, focussing on progression rather than deletion. I think the only downside to this is in the older games when villagers would move out without your consent, they’ll be gone no matter what (although people will probably also find other issues, too).

Time Travelling is a completely valid way to play AC, especially ACNH. In a Washington Post article from 2020, the current directors of AC have stated that it’s not cheating. They purposely made the game so that if you wanted to TT, there’s very limited consequences. The only issue I can think of is your turnips may rot. Josh and I may have come up with a solution to that but uh, we’ll test before we tell it. To me, this consequence isn’t big at all. I barely get up before 12 pm to get the turnips in the first place, but when I do it just causes so much stress for me. Of course, if turnips are your thing then you do you, but for me it’s meh. I can live with no/ rotten turnips in exchange for fast stuff.

So what can TT help? Say, for example, when you started your island you had no idea about anything. Just randomly put houses wherever and now you’re living on a scattered island and you don’t know how everyone else’s islands are so great when you can’t do anything with yours because there are houses everywhere. I’ve been there. Save all the bells you can. Then, slowly, move the houses one by one so you have a little village or whatever you want. TT means that you can do this all in one day! Granted, it still takes a while to individually move each house but it’s so much better than waiting the full day just to move on with another one. Then when you’re done, you can just reset the time by turning the sync thing back on and bob’s your teapot, you’ve just potentially unlocked so much for your island! TT is great for just redoing your island in general. Things take so long to move and you just don’t want to wait that long when creativity strikes!

Another way TT can help is when you want a new villager to move in via amiibos. I did this with Ione. If you didn’t know, you can get amiibos of (I think) any AC character and if they’re a villager, they can come to stay at your campsite. It takes three visits for them to move in, which would mean working on this for 3 separate days if it wasn’t for TT. I did it within an hour because I was super excited and the lot had been empty for a few days so I was worried it would fill up soon. TT makes this so much easier! It saves a lot of stress if you want a particular villager and you have an empty lot ready. It can also help with getting rid of villagers but uh I tried this for a solid hour but Ken wouldn’t budge.

I’m not saying that I’m an expert on this (I would never). That isn’t the point of this post. I’m just here to say… Time Travelling isn’t bad. It’s not a moral thing. You’re not cheating. It’s okay. You’re not going to ruin your game by Time Travelling if you’re getting frustrated, tired or impatient. Play this game your own way, that’s how you’ll get the most out of it. I was afraid and anxious too, but it was okay in the end and we got so much done (island tour coming fairly soon).

So, that’s it for this post, Gamers! I just feel like there are so many games that have strict rules and sometimes you automatically follow them in other games that don’t have those rules. With this post, I hope to have alleviated someone’s anxieties about Time Travelling. Of course, to a lot of people, it is just a game, but sometimes when you get emotionally attached to games it’s so much more than that and it’s just nice for people to tell you that things are okay without pushing the thing on you. So, see you in the next post, Gamers!

This is the article that I referenced:


Gaming Progress: December

Hey, Gamers! December, for most people, is the holiday season… although a season is meant to be 3(ish) months so uh, let’s ignore that. But for me, it was a month of sickness. A month of headaches, feeling sick every day, and stress. So, a little background: Christmas brings a ton of stress on me. For those who don’t already know, my parents split up when I was 8 and me and my mother moved to a different country. Before that, Christmas was perfect. I have to older sisters, and I just- all of my Christmas memories as a child were just this image of perfection. My parents’ marriage obviously wasn’t great (it never was) so having this one day when they wouldn’t argue or be mean to each other, and my sisters would act like kids again (they were ten/ eleven years older than me so it was just special). Finding out that Josh didn’t have that didn’t shock me, but it did upset me. So, I try my very best each year to make his Christmas as perfect as it was when I was a kid. It’s for completely selfish reasons and I’ve learnt to be okay with that. But my body can’t seem to keep up with that so I’m almost always sick in December. Wow that was a long explanation. My point is, I didn’t get a lot of gaming done. I don’t think we streamed at all in December because I was so sick. That means no Brilliant Diamond, no Persona 5 Royal AI Takeover and no, uh, whatever Josh does on his one allowed day (jokes, it’s usually Skyrim or SoulsBorne). So, let’s get into what we did get up to!

In Yakuza 3, I’ve had the chance to actually do a lot of side content that Josh usually rushes me to ignore (it’s his favourite series and he just wants me to play it all so he can talk to me about the plot, please know that he’s not doing it maliciously, he’s just excited). I love Okinawa, even though I’m not as familiar with it as I am with the Kamurocho map. I’ve noticed more in this game than the previous 2 (ignoring 0 due to the absence of this character) that Haruka is scary mature. She reminds me a lot of myself as a child who has gone through trauma. The thing that bugs me the most is the amount of responsibility that Kiryu puts on her. Like, I know she probably wants that but Kiryu has the responsibility as her guardian to make sure she has a childhood and she’s not really getting that. I feel like a lot of the adult responsibilities of the orphanage get placed on Haruka’s shoulders and that really isn’t fair. She’s still a kid. I’m trying to look at it from a not-traumatised-child perspective but it’s still the same. She’s still a kid. She shouldn’t be the one going to get groceries all the time, she shouldn’t be the one cooking for all the kids every day. Kiryu took on the role of guardian for these children, so he should be doing those things. I’m not saying that the kids shouldn’t help, but they shouldn’t have that much responsibility placed on them. They should help, not do. This should be obvious but I beat Majima. I went into the fight before buying healing items because I am a certified idiot, apparently. But I did it. Honestly, I was fully expecting to not get on with this game at all. I think it’s a common thing with autistic people to get frustrated easily (as shown later on), so I was expecting the blocking to be too much but I’m enjoying it. It doesn’t feel different enough from Yakuza Kiwami 2 for me to hate it.

Okay, moving on to the main thing for Josh- he got Lost Judgment on the PS5 for Christmas because I’m the best fiancée in the world. He’s played all of it. I think from what he’s told me, it’s his favourite game of the series. Okay, so now I’ve pulled up the list that we collectively wrote, I can say with certainty that Josh thinks that the combat is the best in the Yakuza series so far (I strongly disagree after trying it for a whole 30 seconds and deciding I hate it), but in comparison to Judgment, there seems to be less to do in terms of mini-games. He’s still sad that there’s no karaoke (for those who know Josh, you’ll know it’s his favourite thing. He woke me up at 3 am once because he got 100 in Judgement), but the dancing mini-game is “a satisfactory replacement”… but he would still rather have karaoke. I hate them both, naturally, because I’m terrible at both of them. The boxing mini-game is fun, and so is skateboarding… but he hates the robotics mini-game. With a passion. So much.

He’s played a lot of Days Gone in December. He actually started it again, because he stopped playing it when someone who worked on it was like all “if you want a sequel, pay full price” in a rude way. He’s had a lot of fun with it but it drags too much for him. He has at least 30 hours in this playthrough and doesn’t even feel close to being done. The gameplay got repetitive. He didn’t tell me to put this but he kept getting stuck in bear traps and that was hilarious. I think he rage quit one time because of that. It was funny.

Animal Crossing time! My DS ran out so this will only be New Horizons (remember the whole certified idiot thing?). We did a bunch of time travelling. We were trying to make everything perfect for Toy Day but we didn’t realise that Toy Day was on the 24th so we messed up. Ken also moved in. Without permission. We’re trying everything to get him to move out.

I also played a lot of A Plague Tale: Innocence this month since Josh was trying to ‘catch em all’ in Pokemon Brilliant Diamond (yes, that’s your BD update), so I got from trying to get into the library to the fight with the leader of the Inquisition. I got through quite a bit. I am really enjoying the story but I am struggling so, so much with the gameplay. I don’t want to be like “iT’s iNAcceSsiBlE” or anything, and I’ve been struggling with how to word this and if this is the case or am I just bad at the game… but I think something has to be said when I’m not “learning”. I’ve probably tried this boss fight over 10 times. Now, I’ve played a good chunk of Dark Souls. I know hard games, I’m decent at it. I learn. I am able to learn from my mistakes with gaming. What I’m not able to do is change my reaction time. It makes me emotional a little bit because it’s moments like these where I think I just can’t do it, and it is because of my disabilities. It’s not something I can learn this time. I can’t just get good at it, and that sucks. I’m playing it over and over again because I still hope that I’m wrong. And I know there are a million other games for me to play that I can play, but I’ve played this one so far that it would feel like a loss if I just gave up now. The gameplay has always been challenging to me. I’m not the best at sneaking or timing etc. But I did it. So the fact that there might be just this huge block just… sucks. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do it. Heck, there’s been times where I’ve thought to just ask Josh to do it because although he’s autistic like me, he’s not dyslexic or dyscalculic so maybe he could do it. But that just feels wrong to me. The only time Josh has ever ‘done’ a fight for me is the car chase in Yakuza Kiwami because I was crying and I was late to stream and I just wanted it to be over with. Everything about that just feels wrong. So, I might do it. I still have some kind of hope left. If I don’t do it by next month, I think I’ll just have to admit that it’s not for me and move on.

This makes me feel better about my failure.

Something that I did manage to advance in is Shin Megami Tensei V. I finally got to Tokyo Tower! I feel like I’m understanding the whole fusion system more, as well as demon negotiations. I am needing to grind a lot more than I expected, but that’s okay. I like taking it slow, but at the same time, my memory isn’t great. I think I might do another playthrough after completing my first one, just to do it better and understand the plot better. I remember sharing a screenshot to Twitter and it said something like “I have no idea what I just saw” and I was like ‘yeah, same, bro’. It was like the game was breaking the fourth wall a little (not really but thinking about it like that is funny).

So, Josh got me an anime poster for my birthday in November. I can scratch off an anime when I’ve watched it, it’s super fun. But because of that, we’ve been watching Pokemon. And now I’m obsessed with Pokemon (specifically Squirtle). So for Christmas, Josh got me Let’s Go, Eevee. Eevee is a special Pokemon to me because I have DID and I feel like that’s a good representation. I named my Eevee Geralt because I’ve been reading the Witcher books (I usually write about that but honestly, I don’t want to right now… I’ll do a story on Instagram or something) and I love my Geralt, he’s so cute. I loved being able to stroke him and *flappy hands*. The whole game just made me very happy. Yes, you read that right. The whole game. I got this game on the 25th and I completed it on either the 30th or the 31st. I am officially the champion of the Kanto region, and Josh can’t fight me because he hasn’t finished Let’s Go, Pikachu that I bought him like three years ago. Through this, I’ve come to the realisation that I think I prefer water type starters… that’s crazy because I was so aggressively fire starter sure because of Josh. When I started BD, I picked the fire starter. I’ve been thinking of starting over but at the end of the day, there are only 2 fire types in the game so uh I’m fine with that. If we get SP though, I’ll probably pick Piplup. So yeah, my first completed Pokemon game was Let’s Go, Eevee and I’m okay with that (I think). For extra content, when I was a kid, I had a neighbour called David. He would threaten to put me in the bin a lot. So you guys can maybe understand the absolute pleasure I had taking the title of champion away from my rival, David. Like, it was pure joy. Like, chef’s kiss. Also, like, they said it was the boy who lived next door to me so what else was I supposed to put? Another reason I was thinking of restarting BD is because I named my rival Josh and I feel kinda bad and… off whenever I beat him. Like, my Josh doesn’t take losing that easily so it rarely happens. It feels unrealistic.

Lastly, after me hogging the Switch since Christmas, after I beat David, I finally let Josh play Pokemon Sword that he got off of his lovely mum for Christmas. I did feel a little bad but he was pretty occupied with Lost Judgment so it’s not too bad. According to the list, he only had like 2 days in December to play it and he hadn’t reached the first gym. He was on his way to a place called “Motosoke”. He picked the fire starter, as always. He’s actually giving nicknames to his pokemon which is weird for him but also cute (he’s named a lot after alters of mine, and then he has some punny names too). He seems to be enjoying it so far!

And that’s it for this post, Gamers! I hope you all had a wonderful “holiday season” and I hope 2022 is even better for you! What did you get up to in December? Let me know in the comments! Don’t forget to give this post a ‘like’, hit follow for more chill gaming content and check out 2nerds_1game on Twitch to eventually watch Josh and I stream again! See you next post, Gamers!

My Gaming Goals for 2022

Hey, Gamers! Happy New Year! I hope everyone managed to stay safe this holidays, and I hope you all had a good time spending whatever time you could with loved ones. I wanted to start this New Year off with a list of goals that I wish to achieve in 2022. Goals surrounding gaming, obviously. I’m usually the type of person to set myself a crazy amount of goals that are completely unattainable, but this year, it’s different. I feel like I actually reached my non-gaming goal last year, so I’m trying my best to keep having realistic goals and expectations. With University finishing for me this year, I’m hoping to have some more time on my hands to explore more games so I figured it would be a good thing to have some set goals. Here we go!

  1. Get the Platinum trophy in Detroit: Become Human.
    I love this game, and I was so set on getting the Platinum trophy before Persona 5 Strikers came out. It was actually the first game I streamed on Twitch. I love the characters, the story and the number of endings it has. I think it’s the one game that I truly love the gameplay of, too. Of course, Persona 5 Strikers came out so I was occupied by that, and then I was/ am doing my AI-run of Persona 5 Royal. But I really want to get the Platinum in Detroit because it means a lot to me.
  2. Finish my Persona 5 Royal AI Takeover.
    I am currently at the Kaneshiro boss fight. I have been sick on and off since the end of November, so streaming and my whole playthrough have had to be put on the backbench for now. But I love this challenge, and there are so many other challenges that I want to explore. I can’t wait until I’m able to say that I completed this run.
  3. Finish the Yakuza games.
    Josh finished these games in a year. Less than a year, even. I know that I love the story. I’m on Yakuza 3 after playing Yakuza 0, Yakuza Kiwami and Yakuza Kiwami 2. It’s just one of those games that I just forget about sometimes, but I hope to be done with them by the end of this year. Not because I’m not enjoying them, but because I want to know the complete story and be able to talk to people about it.
  4. Play The Witcher 3… again.
    So, for those who don’t know, The Witcher 3 was one of the first games I ever played. Since then, I’ve played quite a few games and read most of the Witcher books (I’m on the last few pages of Tower of the Swallow and I’ll probably start Lady of the Lake tomorrow). I feel like I understand how games work more, and I would understand the plot a whole lot more if I played the game again. I think it would be a completely different experience. I love the universe and the characters so I just want to take in as much as I can.
  5. Finish Dark Souls.
    I’ve put a slight pause on my Bloodborne run, and we don’t really play Dark Souls 3 with Josh’s brothers anymore so Dark Souls is the last game I have that I can complete. More importantly, it feels like the only one that I have a chance to complete. Josh and I are going to get it on the PS5 because his PS4 is out of commission, so then we’ll be able to play it together again.
  6. Stream more consistently.
    This is one that is much more complicated than it seems on the surface. This means getting my health in check, which is further complicated by huge waiting lists. It means being more organised, more – on top of things? I just love streaming and making new friends. I have a tendency of burning myself out with streaming because there are so many different aspects of it to consider, especially because I’m autistic.
  7. Have a decent island in Animal Crossing New Horizons.
    Our island is a mess. Like, a literal mess. I would like to get it under wraps and just- not perfect, because no island is perfect… but, okay. I want to be able to be satisfied with our island by the time 2022 is over.
  8. Try 1 new game per month.
    This is much more specific than my original goal of ‘playing more games’. I know so many people play so many different games, but I tend to stick to my same old 3-5 games. 1 game a month is a minimum, and it’s realistic because I have PlayStation Plus. I want to try more games outside of my comfort zone, so having this goal will keep me on track.
  9. Get all of the story trophies for Catherine: Full Body.
    While I do want to get the Plat for Catherine: Full Body, I think it would be unrealistic of me to have all of these goals and expect myself to conquer all levels of Babel. So, my goal is to slowly get around to getting all of the story trophies because, after that, all I really have to worry about is Babel. I can train throughout the year for that, too.
  10. Make this blog a safe place for Gamers.
    This is a bit cliché and really I’ve been working on it this whole time, but I just want this blog to be a safe place. That’s why I’m no longer going to be putting out posts asserting my opinion. Instead, I’m just going to be sharing my opinion and the reasons behind it, and probably asking you for yours. My goal for this blog is so much different than it was when it started, and I love that. It shows growth and potential. I hope that this blog can be a safe place where people can come and read cool stuff sometimes, share their opinions sometimes, and just be themselves. This isn’t the type of gaming blog where it’s full of factual information. It’s full of emotion and love and passion. That’s what I have to share, it’s what I put out there and I hope that’s what you get out of it.

So, that’s it for this post, Gamers! These are some of the goals I wish to stick to and achieve in 2022. Do you have any goals you want to share? Let me know in the comments below! If you want to watch our streams, we stream on Twitch and our channel is 2nerds_1game. See you next post, Gamers!

Weird conversations I’ve had with my fiancé about gaming

Hey, Gamers! I have been super sick since the end of November, but this is something I’ve been working on for a few months. A while ago, I did a post about weird things that my fiancé (Joshua) has said while gaming and you guys loved it (it’s my most viewed post by over 10,000 which is crazy), so I wanted to do another one (which I am). But then I realised during one of our conversations that if anyone was listening in on us… we’d have some questions to answer. So here’s the list! Hope you guys get a giggle out of them!

Spoilers for Persona 5 Royal, Yakuza 0, kinda Yakuza: like a dragon if you count knowing who doesn’t die as a spoiler, Dark Souls and also references to JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.

1) Tattoos

E: I want the Joestar birthmark tattooed here *wrist*

J: but its on the shoulder

E: but that would be painful, babe

J: imagine if Kiryu never got a back tattoo because it was “too painful”. Stop being a pussy

E: babe, he’s Kazuma Kiryu-

J: – imagine if Nishiki never got a-

E: no you didn’t let me finish, Kazuma Kiryu has been shot over 100 times

J: only 20 of those are canon


B: this isn’t a conversation that should be happening right now

2) I came into the room after he finished Yakuza: Like A Dragon.

E: I thought you were done [with Yakuza Like A Dragon]

J: yeah this is premium adventure

E: ah okay fairs

J: I have to play as Nanba now because Ichiban is dead

E *looks at the screen*: no he’s not? He’s right there?

J: I can’t believe the game killed off Ichiban

E: babe you’re literally playing as him right now I can see it

J: this guy? Not-Ichiban? That isn’t Ichiban. Ichiban is dead

E: *gives up all hope in humanity*

3) A serious apology about Persona 5 Royal spoilers

E: … hey… babe… I uh… I need to talk to you about something serious

J: okay?

E: you know that big argument we had ages ago… about Kasumi and Sumire?

J: which one? Can you remind me of the specifics?

E: uh… the big one we had… about uh, whether or not they were twins

J: right okay… I was right?

E:… yeah… I’m sorry for getting really upset and defensive and saying you didn’t trust me

J: it’s fine I get why you thought that

3) What?

J: I saw a video that was titled “demon souls is my boyfriend’s new girlfriend”

E: yeah… Yakuza is my boyfriend’s new girlfriend

J: yeah

J: wait

J: no

5) Dark Souls Trophies

J: to be fair, in Dark Souls III you get a trophy for every boss, and in Bloodborne you get a trophy for every boss… who the fuck knows with Dark Souls II, who the fuck cares

E: but not with dark souls I?

J: no?

E: you’re telling me I didn’t get a trophy for beating the Taurus demon?

J: no?

E: *immediately checks trophy list* well that’s a bit shit

J: yeah

E: what about Sif?

J: what about Sif?

E: you don’t get a trophy for killing him?

J: no you do get one for doing covenant of Artorias but not for killing Sif

E: you’re telling me you have to murder the best boi- the bestest boi- and you don’t get a trophy

J: you don’t get a trophy for killing Solaire… but you do get his armour


6) Tachibana emotions

E: you know what? Tachibana is all precious and like must be protected in 0 but this is a man that basically worked his way up in the Chinese mafia despite racial tensions, came to Japan and randomly beat up some thug and earned the whole group’s respect, and then goes on to be one of the most powerful and feared person in Tokyo’s most dangerous place, Kamurocho.

J: yeah… well he wouldn’t do that if it wasn’t for his dialysis machine

E: stop

J: you know what? That poor dialysis machine is probably there thinking “any second now, Tachibana is going to walk through the door and I get to be useful again”

E: stop

J: stop talking about the heartbroken dialysis machine?

E: S T O P

7) Someone make him stop…

J: what was your favourite thing before Persona 5?

E:… it’s hard to remember my life before Persona 5

J: I mean yeah but you never wanted it to be your favourite thing

E: definitely not

J:… you’ll never see it coooomiiiiiing

8) I was ranting about my AI Persona 5 Royal run

E: so I know the levels, right? And I’m over levelled. I’m level 20. So why the fuck am I dying to blue enemies?

J: because you’ve surrounded yourself with incompetent baboons

9) This was at 3am

J: the reason Shido was so powerful was because he had the power of the Speedwagon foundation

E: Joshua… sleep

J: damn brat, I’ll sue

10) Uh, oops?

J: if you die I’ll have to do it again

E: or I can do it, I like to think I’m not completely incompetent

J: how good are you at parrying?

E: oh… im completely incompetent

11) I was playing Catherine: Full Body and he was not in the room

*On voice chat*

J: I love you

E: I love you too, dummy

J: I’m bored

E: I can hear the bells!

J: … I didn’t realise you were still doing puzzles, I thought you were just doing the dating sim stuff

E: I’ll date your sim

J: yeah, you usually do?

12) 2 days into playing Demon Souls

J: you wanna know something I found out? There’s actually like a million people in here that I didn’t even realise

E: a million?

J: well, like, four

13) I missed a few days of candy collecting in October and was sad because I didn’t think I’d have enough for all villagers so he said I could go on his account to get extra candy… and I’m an arachnophobe.

J: I should probably warn you, I have a tarantula in my inventory

E: why do I need to go into your inventory?

J: for the candy

E: it’ll be in your pockets, I’ll just drop it outside my house on the way back

J: that’s what I meant, my pockets


J: I- I just do… it’s not the weirdest thing I have in my pockets

E: I- wh- what else do you have in your pockets?

J: I have a great white shark

E: … Why do you have a great white shark in your pockets?

J: I didn’t want it to be lonely

E: the shark or the tarantula?

J: yes

14) After he finished Demon Souls, he wanted to know what build to do next… didn’t like my suggestion

E: I think you should do a luck build (on demon souls)

J: no

E: what? Not now, after, when you want to find everything

J: babe it’s a luck build, what am I meant to do?

E: find items

J: and? How am I meant to win the game?

E: by /using/ items

J: *intense death stare*

15) I’ve talked about how ashamed I am about his Arsene, please know I bring it up anytime I can to insult him. So he decided it would become a JoJo reference (like everything else).

E: your Arsene isn’t even curse

J: I reject my CURSEmanity, JoJo!

16) I can’t even remember why I was saying this, but apparently his point still stands

E: dishonour on you, dishonour on your cow

J: my cow can’t be Dishonored, it can’t play video games never mind Dishonored

J: … can’t play video games with hooves

And that’s it for this post, Gamers! Just thought I’d do something lighthearted since I’ve been sick and the holiday season tends to be a difficult one for a lot of people. Remember that Josh and I stream over on Twitch @2nerds_1game, follow this blog for more fun gaming content, and let me know if you liked this post! See you next time, Gamers!

The last post about stupid things he’s said:


Self-care tips for gamers (just in case you need it):


Last months progress update:


Gaming Progress: November

November is my favourite month of the year. It’s the month Josh and I got together, it’s my birthday month, and it’s the month I spend arguing with the entire world that Christmas cannot start until the 27th, which is the day after my birthday. It was a pretty big month for gaming, so let’s get straight into it!

If you don’t think of this image when you think of me, I’m not doing my job properly

I usually write a list that I keep on my phone, but I haven’t updated it for a while so I’m a little worried about having to rely on my memory and the great power that is Josh’s memory (I swear, that man can remember every single pokemon but can’t remember I’ve asked him to put the dishes away). I want to say that this month has been a big… conclusions month for me. I finished at least two games, which is huge because I always put finishing games at the back of my list because I just want it to last longer.

Let’s start at the very beginning (it’s a very good place to start)- November 1st, I completed Life Is Strange: True Colors. It was such a powerful game and I adored each bit of it. I have some news which is a big deal for me: I think it’s the best game of 2021. There. I said it. It beats Strikers for me. It was that good. If you haven’t played it, I highly recommend it, even if you didn’t like the other games. From my perspective, there’s no annoying characters or anything. The team have really learnt from past mistakes, and it’s evident by playing this game. I also completed the DLC, and I wanted to mention that as someone who has C-PTSD, I think they did a wonderful job at showing the symptoms and how they can affect your life, and I love that they included trigger days (as Josh and I call them). Trigger days are something I feel stupid for having, like, it’s just a day something bad happened on. But them showing it in the DLC made me feel so valid, and I haven’t really had that validation from anywhere other than Josh (who would probably validate me regardless of what’s going on). Mental health has been handled in games, and sometimes it’s done well, but I’ve not seen it be handled this well. What’s more, is I love that you get to see the consequences of previous games’ events. I thought that was really cool and done really well.

Yakuza! Yes, my dear readers, I have finally finished Yakuza Kiwami 2. What does that mean? Of course, I started Yakuza 3. I don’t have much to say about it because the only major thing I’ve done is the Majima boss fight and that was in December so shhh act like you don’t know that until next month. I’m not struggling too much with the controls, so that’s cool. I’ve definitely tried to adapt my playstyle over getting annoyed at the game because I saw Josh really struggle with the transition between the remade and remastered. For the first time, I’m actually trying to take his advice on board. I think from that, he’s starting to actually respect the fact that we do have different playstyles and while that’s okay, there are things that we both could learn.

Speaking of respect, I’ve lost all respect for the writers. I’m half-joking, of course, but what the hell. Sayama was willing to die just to be with Kiryu and now she’s just going to America? Like, I’m all for strong female characters who put their career first… but usually, those types of characters put their lives before relationships too and that didn’t happen. You can’t convince me that this was a good idea. It’s been about two weeks and I still think it’s the most ridiculous thing to happen in these games and an old lady has been hired as a hostess twice. I cannot. Haruka could’ve had the mother figure that she very clearly needs, for crying out loud. And just think of all the snarky comments that she could make when Kiryu does stupid stuff. It’s like they took the plot of Yakuza Kiwami 2 and went “ah, nah, let’s bin it.” Like, what.

Okay, so, let’s talk about Kiwami 2 instead of 3 for a moment. While it has taken me a while to play through it, I did really enjoy it. I loved Yuki appearing again, I thought that was cool. I collected all the Sotenbori coin lockers, which is something neither Josh nor I had ever done before. It took me a while to get used to the Dragon engine, so even just walking around felt a bit off to me. It took me a while to get used to the Dragon fighting style too because I didn’t unlock the Dragon fighting style in 0 and Josh kept badgering me to get on with the plot in Kiwami (which, really, is what happened in 0 too, so let’s just blame him, okay?). I did it though. I’ve noticed a trend with Yakuza games where I play like half a chapter at a time with really long breaks in between, and then I get to like chapter 6 and I play the rest in like a day or two. Happened with Kiwami and Kiwami 2, but so far I like 3 a lot so I’m hoping to be more consistent about it.
Lastly, for Yakuza, I finally finished the Cabaret Club Czar stuff from Yakuza 0. So, Mad Dog has been unlocked! I just really missed playing as Majima, and since we keep Yakuza 0 to stream anyway, I thought I might as well finish that off while it’s still on the PlayStation.

Staying with Japanese… made games, let’s move on to Catherine: Full Body. I think I mentioned last time that I fully intend on getting the plat in this game. I am trying, slowly but surely. It’s not something I feel super pressured by, and I’ve already played the game once so I’m not on edge wondering what’s going to happen so whenever I have a spare 5 minutes, I just go on and go through a bit of the story, complete a puzzle and call it a day kind of thing. Probably the healthiest way I’ve played a game in a few years, to be honest. I’ve also slowly been tackling Babel. I got the DLC so that I can play as Joker (because… it’s me, guys), so I thought it would be fun. I’ve tried everything. I’ve even tried playing with Josh (note to self: don’t do that). That ended really bad and caused us to argue because we were both struggle to communicate our intentions. But regardless of the struggle, I got to level 100 in the first stage. Not much, but for someone who didn’t even know if they could play this game at all at the start of last month, I think it’s great progress. Sure, I’d like to move faster but I’m not rushing to get another plat for 2021… although that does sound good… but no, can’t do that, that would be too much pressure.

Sticking with Atlus, the whole let down of the store drop was followed by further let down when in my AI route, I discovered that Makoto’s AI wasn’t better than the rest. A bit disappointed considering all the robot jokes. Sort yourself out, Atlus (jokes, jokes, ily). For real though, it was very frustrating. I’m just about to do the Kaneshiro boss fight and I am dreading it (should actually be doing it the day this post goes up!). I finally got Ryuji to Rank 7 to unlock Insta Kill, but we’re so early on that it takes forever to grind those levels. But it does mean that I can grind off-stream now, so that’s a bonus. Another thing is that it was my birthday and Josh got me a Tycoon deck!! I’ve been starting every stream off with a round or two of Tycoon, and I’ve discovered that it’s just a really nice, chill way to start off the stream.

Keeping with the Atlus theme, Josh bought me Shin Megami Tensei V for our anniversary. I’m still very early on because someone has been hogging the switch with another game that I’ll talk about later, but so far I’m really enjoying it. I haven’t even reached Tokyo Tower yet, I think I’m around Level 11. The grind is real but I’m not finding it half as difficult as I thought I would, to be honest. I’m really, really enjoying it and I hope that I get to play it more soon.

Animal Crossing time!! Now, normally I’d be like ‘for reference, I’m talking about New Horizons’ but I cannot do that anymore because Josh got me New Leaf! I’m still very, very early on and I keep misplacing my DS and forgetting that it needs charging but I am getting there, slowly.
Now, it’s New Horizons time because I’ve still been spending too much time there. I know I just said about Josh hogging the switch, and while that is true, we had a lot of time before he got this new game to enjoy the new update! Kapp’n is my second favourite NPC now. I realised that I have the most amount of hours in this game, which is something I feel guilty about because it technically isn’t mine, but I am doing all of the work so then I didn’t feel so bad. Everyone is now moved (we thought that everyone was moved and was super happy but forgot Ankha because she was away from the other villagers), and we… okay, I got rid of Audie. I was actually thinking about doing like, a give-away thing because I know some people really want her… but by the time I thought of that, she was gone. We spent a long time looking for someone, and the plot just remained empty which was weird. I figured it was an update thing. But then Josh got me 2 amiibo cards- Ione and Celeste! Ione was the one villager I was looking forward to most, and I absolutely adore Celeste and wanted to invite her to coffee. So, after some hard work and time travelling (yeah, we also started time travelling this month), Ione was moved in and Celeste, Blathers and I were all enjoying some of Brewster’s piping HOT coffee.
My dad also got me the DLC for my birthday. He was upset that it wasn’t a physical thing, but I try to make sure he knows that I’m enjoying it so he doesn’t think it’s a waste. But I’ve done… I think by the time December hit, I had done about 7 houses, and maybe the school. Oh my gosh, I really need to get better at writing this down. But, I am really enjoying it. Much, much, much more than I thought I would. I can spend hours just decorating and that’s not something I thought I would say. I’m usually the type to throw some paint on something and go “eh, good enough” but now I am paying so much attention to detail. Some of the ideas that they have left me going “uh, what?” but I just try my best and it always seems to work out.

Now, what I am about to say might shock you, so make sure you’re sitting down. Ready? Good.
Yep. I did it. I finally did it. For normal people, I know that this isn’t a huge deal but for someone who has several disabilities that cause coordination issues, it was a big deal. I literally gave up on Bloodborne because of the Cleric Beast. I decided to go back to it after Josh finished Demon Souls because I know we had followers who liked SoulsBorne games, so I thought I’d continue the Joest legacy with Jolyne. Not only did I defeat the Cleric Beast, but I also killed the werewolf without a weapon, which Josh said is a big deal for a beginner. I’ve moved on to Gaston (I know he’s called Gascoigne but I call him Gaston because he’s a beast and… Beauty and the Beast, duh), but I am yet to beat him. I’m not giving up though, not this time.

Speaking of not giving up, I haven’t fully given up on Deathloop. I returned to it off of stream and I’m letting myself get used to it. I am not used to shooters and I can’t expect myself to be great at this type of gameplay. But after going back to it, I realised that it’s not necessarily not for me; I think it’s going to be a great learning experience that I just wasn’t ready for on stream. That’s okay, though. I know I don’t need to stream every game I play; I’m just trying to get over the guilt I feel when I play.

Speaking of not streaming (yeah, weird way to start a new section, I know), let’s talk about The Witcher. This will include spoilers for the books in the next paragraph break if you want to skip that (because a few people have asked for reading updates for The Witcher as I’m dyslexic), but I wanted to talk about the game a bit first. I haven’t been playing it, but I’ve done a lot of thinking. I wasn’t streaming it because we stream off of the PS5. While we have a digital version of the Witcher (we got it on sale the week we got a PS5), the PS5 version doesn’t come out until I believe the later half of 2022. But I still have many trophies to get before I get the plat. There’s no reason I can’t be working on it now, and then just get the plat when the PS5 version comes out. I think I have like 30-40% to get, and I am going to have to do multiple playthroughs. I really do love this game, and it’s one of the only things I can talk about right now because I’m reading the books and I just want to play it regardless of the absentness of the PS5 version. So, I’m planning on installing it on the PS4.

Okay, book time! I am on Tower of Swallow… wait lemme check if I started that in December or November. Okay, started it on the 3rd December so, uh, I’m on Baptism of Fire for this post. And oh my gosh I love this series. Milva is one of my favourite characters ever written (granted, this is the only piece of adult fiction I have consumed in book form) and I love her so much. I think more than ever, I felt that Dandelion’s presence was desperately needed during this book. Whereas before, it was always like “ay, Dandelion’s here, let’s get the party started,” now it’s clearer than ever that Geralt needs Dandelion to hold the group together when he can’t. Seeing (or rather, reading) Geralt be emotionally vulnerable due to not knowing where Ciri is has had more of an emotional impact on me than expected. Also, as someone who gets severe pain in their knee… it’s nice. It’s nice to see someone else go through it and be as strong as I’m trying to. I’ve dealt with this for- wow, over 10 years now, and sometimes it’s better and then you get a random bad day and it drains you. It’s nice – nice is a bad word, but it’s the only one coming to my mind right now – to see Geralt go through that too. I hope his knee doesn’t get miraculously better. It’d be nice to have a disabled protagonist for once, y’know? My opinion on the Rats has changed throughout this book, and somewhat my opinion of Ciri too. I think the author did an amazing job at showing that Ciri’s abandonment and need to survive has led to her falling into the wrong crowd and it just shows how desperate she is for love and how low she must be feeling. I think my opinion of her hasn’t so much ‘changed’ as it has just realised that she’s growing up, and it’s not an ideal situation. I hated the Rats in the last book, but this one has definitely made them feel more human and likeable… while still making it obvious that they’re not good guys. It’s like that really famous quote, and I think it’s from Geralt, actually, where it’s like “if I have to choose between good evil and bad evil, I’d rather not choose at all”. (EDIT: I looked it up, thought I’d read it before, it was in the Last Wish). I love how it seems like every detail of this series ties in with the main themes. Also, I finally understand Ciri’s family tree. This excites me and I literally try to explain it to anyone who will listen… my poor parents probably wish swallows and wolves never existed at this point. I think my favourite part of this book was when Yen left the lodge and Sabrina was trying to say that she was going to betray them, and they all just went “nah mate, we all know why she’s gone and it’s to save her kid”, like, I wasn’t a fan of the Lodge scenes before but this particular scene (I think it’s an integrated scene with whatever Geralt was doing but I’m not sure) was great. I loved Assire (I think that’s what she’s called), and I love that she and Yen recognised each other from the Battle of Sodden Hill. I remember this being a huge thing in Sword of Destiny because, I mean, Geralt was talking to Death itself because of it and it reinstated the fact that he loves Yen, but I think it was this part that gave it the most significance, and I love how it’s the sorceresses that give it that significance because it was them fighting. I’ll talk about the ending next month because it would have been the start of December when I read it but I have a lot to say about that, too.

This was the birthday cake my mum made me! 🙂

Okay, now I’m going to tell you about the game that Joshua’s been hogging the Switch with. If you read my last post, I did a sneaky thing where I told you guys that I was planning on getting Joshua Pokemon Brilliant Diamond for Christmas and to check this month’s post to see if I got him to hold off getting it. Yeah, I didn’t. I think I lasted a day. He wanted to get Pokemon Sword too, but that would have been £100 for both of them and I would’ve got him Sword the year it came out but he didn’t want it. So, he got Brilliant Diamond on 22nd November and finished it early hours on my birthday, which was the 26th. He evolved Gligar into Gliscor that evening, too. And while I have never been a huge fan of Pokemon, I started my journey on the 25th November. We are streaming that, so it’s going significantly slower, but my interest hasn’t dropped yet. Josh is trying to “catch em all” and I try to be supportive as he interrupts my reading to show me yet another evolving Pokemon (I sound mad, but it’s cute that he gets so excited and I love that he wants to share that with me and watch me judge on whether the Pokemon’s cuteness has increased or decreased).

I wanted a store bought cake because the other was too heavy to bring out when we went for food so uh, got a Pokemon cake the day after I started playing Pokemon

Kind of on the same note (because last month this game was the reason I brought Pokemon up at all), Josh has got the plat in Bugsnax! He went from thinking the game was “alright” to almost non-stop talking about how it’s messed up and he’s never been so deceived by a game before. I don’t know much about the ending, but I know that it’s really messed up. I believe it’s something to do with the bugsnax being evil, and everything being a lie. I’m really not the best person to be writing this part, so just know that everything Josh has done will always be written about by me, from my perspective through what I’ve seen and things he has told me.

Something that genuinely caused an argument between us this month was Skyrim. For those who don’t know, it was Skyrim’s 10th anniversary and to celebrate, they obviously released basically the same game with some extra mods. I thought he was joking about getting it, to be honest. Only, the day before he was saying he was excited about it and I was like “you’re not spending like £50 on a game that you already own like three or four times”. I lost the argument. We’ve bought Persona 5 twice, and I want it again for the steel book version… and I want to buy Strikers for the switch. So, I guess I was being a bit of a hypocrite there. But he got it and he’s played it and enjoyed it. Usually with Skyrim, Josh installs it and plays it for about 5 minutes, says he’s going to stream it, does 3 streams and never touches it again. So with that in mind, you can see why I’d be mad, right? But this time he’s actually played it more than I’ve ever seen him play it. Like, he spends most of his time playing the PS5 since we only got it last month, and that’s mainly what he’s been playing. So, I’m not really too mad. If he’s playing it, I can’t really complain.

Speaking of things he said he would stream, does like 1 stream and then that’s it- Hitman! I am so bad at Hitman, I think it just cries whenever I try to play it. But Josh is great at it! He got Hitman 3 when it was on sale “because I can stream it” but he did one stream and just played through it off-stream after a while. But yeah, he’s finished Hitman 2 and 3 (he played the first a while ago). I think he’s enjoying the elusive targets (if that’s what they’re called), which is good because that’s the main reason he wanted to get it now rather than wait.

Another game he has really wanted but did wait for is Dragon Quest XI. I got it for him for our anniversary on the 15th. He has played more than it than I have played SMT V but not as much as he’s played Pokemon. I think he’s enjoying it. He really did not give me his thoughts or feelings about anything when he sent me his list this month, but I haven’t heard him complain. He’s tried explaining the plot and his party to me but when he said “the little girl is the big girl’s older twin sister” I just nodded politely and moved on because nothing was making sense.

Josh and I do this thing every year called “second Christmas” because I have a really bad time mentally in January and that’s just something he’s decided would be a tradition. We get gifts, I make a nice meal and we just chill that day. But last year (or rather, this year… last second Christmas), he got me Jedi: Fallen Order… and I am yet to play it. But it’s on this report because Joshua has now played it (with my permission- he wouldn’t go on my game before me unless he got permission and he wouldn’t have even asked if I had expressed an interest in playing it). It was fun… for a while. He said he liked being able to use a lightsabre but that’s the best thing about it, and when you’re using it all the time, it becomes a bit meh after a while.

Josh took this of me on my 22nd so I thought I’d include that too aha

And I think that’s it for now, Gamers! October feels like it was months ago, and Christmas is just around the corner! How was your Novembers? Do you have any exciting plans for December? Let me know in the comments below, and don’t forget to check out 2nerds_1game on Twitch to catch Josh and me streaming. See you next post!

22 gaming memories/ moments for my 22nd birthday

Hey, Gamers! So, this post is going up just after my birthday! I like to do something special for my birthday posts. Last year I pretty much did a reflection post on my gaming journey, which is linked here:

Birthday Blog

For this year, I wanted to keep with the same reflective pattern with a twist. Maybe I’ll do this every year, but this birthday is special to me because of Taylor Swift (Red was the first album that came out after I became a fan, and 22 was on that album) and gaming is also super special to me so in this post, I will go through 22 gaming moments/ memories that stuck with me or impacted me emotionally. Let’s go!
Also, we all knew Persona 5 would pop up on here a lot, so don’t act surprised.

22: Getting my Xbox 360.

I believe I was 13 when this happened, and it was for Christmas. My Xbox 360 was the first console that was ‘mine’ and I wanted it because it had a tiger game with the connect and it was super cute. I had a rough relationship with my dad at this time, but we definitely used the Xbox to bond over Tomb Raider and making ourselves look foolish.

21: Finishing Life Is Strange.

I believe I have spoken about this briefly, but Life Is Strange was the first game I finished on the PlayStation (the clearly superior console). I remember feeling connected to the characters, feeling accomplished that I actually finished the game and being excited to play the prequel. Thinking back on it, it took me a ridiculously long time to finish a game I could probably now finish in a day, but I remember being so proud back then. I think I needed the confidence boost.

20: Not finishing Spider-Man.

This one is a kinda touchy subject for me. You see, I love Spider-Man. I’ve read comics, I adore him in the MCU… I really wanted to like the game, and it was so praised that for a long time I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. I had a very limited repertoire of games when I tried to play Spider-Man, and hardly any of them contained combat. This meant that the combat was just a bit too difficult (for lack of a better word) for me to pick up easily. So, I decided that it wasn’t for me. And this was the first game that made me sit back and think “hey, not every game is going to be designed for me and that’s okay, I’m just not their target audience… but it’s so cool that other people get to enjoy it” and it really made me value streaming and let’s plays because I still got to experience the game that way.

19: Not being scared at Until Dawn

I am a scaredy cat. I get scared so easily it’s basically a meme at this point. But I tried Until Dawn because Josh said that the game play was similar to Life Is Strange. And I absolutely loved it. For a while, it was actually my favourite game. It was the first game I ever considered trying to Plat (and I am still yet to do this), and it was just a special thing for me because I knew I would normally be very scared at these types of games but I wasn’t. It made me think about broadening my horizons a lot… which wasn’t the best idea in terms of genre but I play a lot of different games now and I don’t know if I would have if it wasn’t for Until Dawn

18: Selecting ‘Normal’ on Persona 5.

Okay, okay, we all knew that Persona 5 was bound to make this list eventually and I am pretty proud of myself for not mentioning it already. This particular event is placed here because of the previous entry. Playing the Witcher 3 and getting somewhere in it definitely gave me the courage to select ‘normal’ when playing Persona 5, and I have not looked back since. This gave me such an increased sense of worth and it’s just a moment that will always be special to me. I wrote a post about why I never play games on easy anymore here if anyone wants to read it:

Why I never play a game on ‘easy’ anymore

17: Trying to learn how to drive using GTA V

I didn’t want to put this one, but Josh reminded me of this… awful time in my life and uh, I can’t leave it out now. Okay, so, I’m not bad at driving… I’m just not good either. I mean, I feel like it’s other people that aren’t good. But realistically speaking, my reflexes are too slow. I think it’s something to do with my several disabilities, but regardless I know that the most convenient thing for us as a couple would be if I could drive. So I took some lessons and uh, they didn’t go well. I get overwhelmed and I’m too slow. So Josh came up with the idea that we made peddles out of like, boxes and cardboard and stuff, and I would drive in GTA so that I knew when to put the clutch in, when to accelerate etc. Just so I had a bit more practice moving my feet. Only, the issue is that I’m worse at driving in video games than I am in real life. So the steering suddenly became a bigger problem for me than the controls. So, maybe do this if you are okay at driving in games, but uh, don’t do this if you’re anything like me. Josh still makes fun of me and this was like two years ago.

16: Finding Ciri

Now, the Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is a game that holds a very special place in my heart for reasons that will be discussed later on in this post. I played it on easy, and it was my first ‘big’ game… so my first non-Life Is Strange game. I was instantly engrossed in this magical world and if you follow me regularly, you’ll know that The Witcher series is what helped me regain my love for reading after being diagnosed with dyslexia. But I don’t think I can possibly put into words the emotions I felt when Geralt finally found Ciri. It was just this wave of so many different emotions: happiness, relief, sadness (because I thought the game was over). I don’t think I’ll ever forget this moment, and I hope it’s as magical in the books (please no spoilers, I’m on The Tower of the Swallow).

15: Getting my first victory in Civ VI

So, here’s the thing- I love history. I adore history. I am studying history at university and am hoping to become a master of history (by taking a masters course… on history). When I first heard of this game, I was so excited. I didn’t expect to be so, very bad at it. I don’t know what I’ve been doing wrong. Like, I’m stuck. But I’ve had 2 victories in my 80+ hours. Both have been culture victories (which apparently is the hardest to understand, but it’s the only one that makes sense to me) and one was with China. My first one was with China. I was so set on winning this game. I remember the game before it had literally broke. I play this on my switch and it was late game so I just assumed the AI was taking its time but after about 20 minutes, I realised that the game was broken. I was devastated, but I went into the next game with a hunger for vengeance. I did so much each turn that I felt that there was no way I could lose. Australia nearly crept up on me, though, and that only made more determined (I believe my exact words were “you cheeky f*ck”). I was so proud of myself when I finally achieved a victory that I stopped playing for a while, just in case I ruined my streak (of one victory) with a defeat… that’s what actually happened when I went back to the game a few weeks later.

14: Recognising characters in the Witcher books from the games

So, this is much more of a general thing but it’s something I still get to do and something that still makes me extremely happy. As mentioned before, I’m dyslexic and the Witcher books are the first books I’ve been interested in reading since developing a phobia of reading. It took me 3 whole years to finish the first one. I decided that I was going to start reading every night because I wasn’t sleeping great, I was staying up super late playing Animal Crossing or Stardew Valley (one more day, let me just finish this… that kinda thing that was just never ending) and I was sick a lot with headaches. I used to love reading as a kid, and when Josh and I talk about having kids, I’d like to be able to read to them. I struggle sometimes with stuttering, especially when I have to read aloud which makes reading harder because of my dyslexia and it’s just a whole mess. But I asked Josh if he would mind if I started to practice reading aloud to him because it’s never too early to practice that type of thing. He said that I could, and thus began me reading the first Witcher book… and then the second, and then by the time I got to the third, I was just reading in my head because I was too excited to be able to read slow enough to speak. But the point of this isn’t about my reading in general, it’s a very specific thing that just needed all this context. Meeting or hearing about characters that I already know about is thrilling for me. It makes me so happy.

13: Finishing Persona 5

I think we all knew that this would be on this list somewhere. Persona 5 has been my whole life for a good three years now. It actually took me a pretty long time to finish the game. I started in my first year of university and finished in my second. My second playthrough took me significantly less time. But I wanted to talk about the moment when the credits rolled, and I stared at the screen having completed what I regarded as the best game ever made. I remember shaking my head in disbelief that this game that I had absolutely hated before playing was now my favourite thing. I don’t think I was okay for a while. I was… lost. I didn’t know what to do with myself. Actually, I knew I had to go back to playing The Witcher 3… I did that for about an hour before starting my second playthrough of Persona 5. I felt such a strong pull to the game and the characters, and I had never felt that before. I felt so lost when I was not playing it, and the ending was so impactful. I longed for more while still being content with the way it ended, which is an unusual feeling for me as I’m one of those people who either avoids things ending because they love it or just needs a conclusion. It felt… peaceful. I felt content and lost at the same time, which is why I just had to play it again. I remember when I was playing The Witcher 3, all I could think of was Joker and the gang. It was a beautiful ending to an equally beautiful game, and all of my emotions matched that.

12: Detroit: Become Human being so sensory involved as I was in the process of getting diagnosed as Autistic.

I’ve said this a lot but Detroit: Become Human was, for me, the best example of right game, right time. I played this after the pandemic started, I believe, which was when I slowly stopped masking (which is a term used by the autistic community to mean acting like neurotypicals). This eventually led to me having some sensory issues, especially with sounds, and us working out that I was probably Autistic. I was playing this game throughout the whole process and I adored it. I’ve used this phrase a few times, but it made my autism happy (which means it satisfied my sensory needs). The only part I struggled with was the chapter when Markus is in the junk place. The sound on that caused me to have a sensory overload, which I was finally able to identify because of the situation and therefore when I was able to look back on major events in my past, I was able to identify sensory overloads instead of just labelling it as a panic attack.

11: Finishing the final chapter of Yakuza 0 without dying.

Okay, in hindsight this isn’t a great achievement… but it was probably the biggest moment I’ve had in gaming that made me feel like a boss. I felt so powerful, it was like I could conquer anything. I don’t think I’ve been able to match this feeling since then.

10: Getting my social stats up to Rank 5 before Josh did it

I really try not to be competitive with Josh when it comes to gaming because he has way more experience than I do, but wow did this feel good. Josh started playing Persona 5 before me; he was actually on New Game + when I started playing. But if you know me now, you know that Persona 5 is my favourite thing and my social stats was something I heavily focussed on during my first playthrough (probably because of my lack of real life social stats). I was so proud of myself for getting the full star before Josh did. It made me feel like maybe one day, I could be as good as he is.

9: The ending of Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons.

I really wanted to play Brothers for the longest time because the concept fascinated me. I was put off by the lack of dialogue, though, so I waited a few years. I finally got it on the Switch when it was on sale. I finished it in two nights (I used to play the Switch before bed; I read now), and I sobbed. Actual tears. I believe Josh was playing a yakuza game at the time, and he put his headphones on because I got mad at him because the people speaking in the game was distracting me from the music of Brothers. He literally heard me through his headphones. It hit me like a brick. I don’t know how I went so long without getting the ending spoiled for me when I was so interested in the game, but Josh knew that it was coming and he was prepared for my tears. I had a headache the next day from crying so much. I wrote a post about this game because it changed my perspective on non-dialogue games, so it’s here if you want to read it:

I will never rely on dialogue again…- Brothers: A tale of two sons

8: Pulling an all-nighter to play The Witcher 3

As I said previously, The Witcher 3 was the first ‘big’ game that I played. For a while, it was pretty overwhelming. Soon after, though, I was fully emersed. It was definitely the game that made me realise how immersive gaming can be, how vast and magical it can be. I pulled my first all-nighter playing video games for The Witcher 3. I remember Josh being asleep and I just couldn’t fall asleep so I thought ‘you know what? Josh plays games when he can’t get to sleep and I can’t stop thinking of this game so I’m going to do that too’. I think part of me was hoping that if I played it a little more, my brain would be able to stop thinking about it and shut off. 6 hours went by, Josh woke up and he seemed to be in awe that I had just stayed up playing The Witcher 3 for most of the time he was asleep. I remember that it wasn’t exactly 6 hours, it was like 5:52 and he was like ‘if you keep playing until 6 hours, you’ll officially be a real gamer’ so I did… my mum surprised us with a visit that day, which was stressful because I had no sleep.

7: Playing Persona 5 Strikers on stream

Persona 5 Strikers was the first ‘new’ game I ever streamed on Twitch. It was a pretty big deal to me. I knew I would make my autistic happy noises and that I would probably slap my face in excitement, but I still wanted to stream it. I wanted to share my excitement and joy with the world, and I am still so happy that I felt confidant enough as a gamer to do this. Before this, I always wanted to play through the games first so that I knew I wouldn’t struggle with the controls. I was particularly worried about the controls of Strikers, because a reason I loved vanilla and royal so much is because I didn’t feel rushed. But I did it. And I am so thankful that I have those videos as memories because it is pure happiness, and I can share that with people.

6: Starting my Persona 5 Royal: AI Takeover

For those who don’t know, I stream over on Twitch. It’s linked on my homepage. But a while ago, I started a run of Persona 5 Royal because it’s my favourite game. I wanted to make it special, though, and I was thinking about Persona 5 Strikers and Persona 3 because I had just finished my Strikers run and was planning on playing 3 on stream (but cannot because of the PS3 block thing). And then it hit me- imagine only having control over Joker! So you can’t control any of your party, just like in Persona 3. This is my first ‘challenge’ run and for a while, the only challenge was SP preservation. And then boss fights happened and it became painful. It’s so frustrating when you can’t do what you want to do with your whole party. But that’s the fun of it! I’m just about to do Kaneshiro’s boss fight, and I’m determined that we can get through this! I am a little worried about the last few fights because so far, my strategy has been to go in overlevelled. But the fact that I was confidant enough to even try some kind of challenge in this game speaks volumes to me. It made me willing to try different approaches, which is something I’ve never done. I always usually stick with the same Personas, and I can’t do that now. I need to have one of each element because there’s no saying that someone (Morgana) wont use their element (wind. Morgana wont use wind. Ever). It’s really helped me open up my mind, and I love that my favourite game can still help me grow as a gamer.

5: Playing Life Is Strange: True Colors as an over empathetic autistic person

I have spent my whole life feeling things I didn’t understand. Getting my autism diagnosis kind of explained why that was. I did a bunch of research before that, and found out that Autism looks different in girls. For example, a lot of autistic girls are over empaths. I am one of those. So when I was playing Life Is Strange: True Colors, I related to Alex so much. Not understanding why people are feeling the way they’re feeling, but still feeling what they’re feeling is something that has always been a struggle for me. But this game handles it beautifully, and it was just- wonderful. This game had me sobbing, and for once I understood why because Alex had to go through the motions of working it out herself. She had to piece the puzzle together so she clearly knew what was going on, and that’s always been something I’ve struggled with and I hardly ever see it laid out so clearly. This game is overall a beautiful experience, but I feel like I was in a special position where I really related to Alex on a different level.

4: Mushroom’s death in Life Is Strange 2

This impacted me more than any other death in a video game. For those who don’t know me personally, when I was 17, my dad got me a puppy. Her name was Thalia and I loved her more than I loved anything or anyone. She was mischievous, wonderful and loving. She was spoiled with love… and treats. She was the runt so she was so tiny. After about 5 months, she got real sick real quick. After the vets performed an unnecessary operation on her, we took her elsewhere to find the actual problem. They said she needed another operation, and that she probably wouldn’t survive it. She was in pain. So we decided to put her down. It was the worst experience of my life, and I miss her each and every day (and that’s not an exaggeration). For the longest time, I didn’t want another dog. I’ve actually got a tattoo for her as a reminder of how loved she made me feel. Knowing all of that, you’d probably understand the impact that Mushroom’s death had on me. I was actually streaming the game (on YouTube) when it happened, so there’s a video of it but it’s genuinely so sad that I just can’t watch it. I love this game, so, so much but I can’t put myself through that again knowing that it was unavoidable. I remember Josh spending so long trying to work out if there was something I could’ve done to save Mushroom because I was so, so upset.

3: Jed being the bad guy in Life Is Strange: True Colors

I like to think that I’ve played a lot of games (although the repetition of this list may argue against that…), so I’ve experienced many plot twists. Did not expect this one though. I think, for the first time ever, it genuinely shocked me. It felt like a huge slap in the face, to be honest. I sat there trying to comprehend what the hell had happened for… a good while. Probably way too long. I- I’m still not over this, clearly. It was just “oh yay Jed wants to see m- WHAT”. Such a shock. If you haven’t played this game already and you’re just reading this for the sake of it, just know that this was so big. It would be like if Sojiro turned out to be an undercover cop or something. Yeah, that big. They even kinda look alike so it fits perfectly. I’m really not over this and it’s been nearly a full month.

2: Pre-ordering the Phantom Thieves Edition of Persona 5 Royal

I know you know by now that Persona 5 Royal is my favourite game. But before it came out, just regular ol’ Persona 5 was my favourite thing in the universe. I was waiting and waiting for the release date for Royal, just like many others, and I had knots in my stomach. I was so anxious. And then the collectors edition was only £80?! I was so happy. This was the first game that I ever pre-ordered, and it meant so much to me. Josh actually made a little tressure hunt for me and put a box together, it was super cute. My point is, this game coming out meant the world to me. It showed up a whole day late, but when it got here… oh boy I felt sick. I remember having a panic attack the night before because what if it wasn’t good? What if they changed so much that I hated it because I don’t generally like change? Of course, in hindsight, looking back on it, a lot of my fears were due to being autistic and that’s super interesting for me to think about. I remember just staring at this game in my hands, wondering if it was going to be okay. I had looked forward to this moment for so long, I had a meltdown at the thought of not being able to get the Phantom Thieves edition, my fiancé had put in so much effort to make this day special for me… what if it wasn’t everything I had hoped? And then I played it. It was the second best experience of my life so far (the first being getting engaged, because that was super cute).

1: Learning to love Zenkichi

This is embarrassing. Gosh, this is so embarrassing. There’s videos of the streams that I did of Persona 5 Strikers. I am too embarrassed to watch them for this reason. When I tell you that I thought I broke my hand because I punched my desk out of anger over the Phantom Thieves trusting this man… guys, it was bad. I legitimately lost my voice by screaming about how much I hated this man. I- I don’t even have a good reason. Just because he was a cop and that the group had previous bad experiences with the police. I just didn’t trust him, and that turned into anger. I’ve expressed how much the group means to me, and the fact that they were falling for his trap because it was obvious he was a bad guy… oh guys it’s so embarrassing. I can’t remember when I started to like him, but it was before he joined the group. I think it may have been when we met Akane because that girl is awesome so clearly her father can’t be as awful as I thought. When the game ended, he was one of my favourite characters. I didn’t like using him, but I adored his story. I actually knew of his Persona before because I’m a big musical theatre fan and Les Mis was my favourite for a long time, and then I read bits and pieces of it for my uni course. It was cool that I was able to point out little details and similarities between the characters. I think my relationship with Zenkichi went down the exact same path as my relationship with Persona 5: I hated it at first, but after spending more time on it and actually giving it a decent chance, I came to appreciate it for what it is and love it.

Persona 5 Royal_20200511231355

So, that’s it for this post, Gamers! I apologise for my lack of posting, I was set that this would be the next post to go up and it took way longer than I thought it would. The next post should be the November Gaming Progress post, so that’ll be up soon. Are there any moments I’ve mentioned previously that you’re shocked that they’re not on this list? What would your list look like? Let me know in the comments section! If you liked this post, give it a ‘like’, follow this blog for more gaming content like this and check out 2nerds_1game on Twitch, where Josh and I try to stream daily. See you next post, Gamers!